From the book ĻhiddenĻ written by Liza Marklund, that tells the real life story of Mia Eriksson, a swedish woman who was living with physical and psychological violence, but who finally found the courage to leave her abuser, come these tips.
Tips for those who are meeting violence
1. IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT
You are in what researches call the normalising process of violence. You take the blame. Everything you tell feels like betrayal. You change your mind on what you have said, you may even withdraw your testimony give to the Police . This is normal. Living with violence is a brainwash without its equal.
2. GET IN TOUCH WITH A SHELTER
The phone numbers can be found in the telephone catalog, let a friend look it up for you or call information. The staff at a shelter will support and help you with the tears, the fear and the blame. You get protection and help to get in touch with the authorities. And most importantly, you are believed.
3. LEAVE AFTER THE FIRST HIT OR OTHER SIGN OF VIOLENCE
Donīt believe your agressor when he-she tells you that it will never happen again. You canīt cure your partner with your ove.
4. KEEP A DIARY
The police often feels that women who report violence are unclear in their declarations. They donīt remember if the kick on the head came on thursday or friday, if the other moment of violence took place in the morning or evening. If violence becomes a daily experience, time seems to float together for the women who suffer it. It is therefore important that you
write down every violation. Register all of them, every day. Record verbal abuse when it is done per telephone. See a doctor every time you are physically hurt and ask him-her to take pictures and to write a report.
5. REPORT HIM TO THE POLICE
that is not easy to do, I know, but the shelter staff will help you. Ask for legal assistance. Be open and straight forward with police and the attorney. If you made a declaration before and then withdrew it, tell why. Demand to be believed. If you have lied before, tell why. Get a restraining order. This means the person will be punishable if he-she offences a aw-order and gets near you .Try to stand by yourself, do this for YOU. If you feel you canīt this time, try again later.
6. THE PROBLEM IS NOT OVER WHEN YOU LEAVE
violence against women is a matter of power. If you leave, he-she loses power over you. It takes a long time to break up. Make sure you are protected during this breaking-up period. Ask police for help. Special alarm devices do exist for women who are threatened.
7. DONīT LET OTHERS DECIDE FOR YOU
It is YOUR life. You must take control over it yourself. If you have to move, do it, but donīt let the authorities decide for you. They generally mean well, but that is no guarantee that things work out well for you. Donīt rely too much on law and the authorities, but demand that they do their job of protecting you. Let the government prove that we live in a state with rights and that the laws protect us!
Finally, never forget:
to live with a person who beats,abuses or violates you, is to live with death itself!
All the best, Mia Eriksson
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